One of the presuppositions of NLP is that everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources that they have available. In other words, our behaviour and the behaviour of others is the best that we can all do in that moment. This, quite frankly, seemed hard to accept when I see so many doing what I’d describe, generously, as second best. How can they really be doing their best when I know that they can do more, yet they’re doing so little? Equally, I know that at times I could have done better. Are we really aways doing the best we can?
The presupposition is, of course, looking far beyond the action, which you can see, observe, and judge. The presupposition is considering the motivation, the state, and the attitude behind the action. Additionally, it recognises that while you may have the skills, the ability and the knowledge to do better, you are, for a whole range of reasons, opting to access less. This in turn means that your actions are far from as good as they could be.
The reasons for accessing less are multiple. Firstly, you may be tired, frustrated, or unhappy. Secondly, you might be feeling put upon, undervalued, or disrespected. Furthermore, your lesser actions could well be the only means you have to communicate what is happening for you. The list goes on. It means that at any time a whole range of factors can get in the way of you doing your best. Those factors may also mean that you choose to do less because that’s how you are able to express what’s really happening for you.
I now find myself questioning my actions when I know that I’m not delivering my best. It’s a clear sign that something is going on for me. It then helps to work out what that is. Sometimes, it’s fairly obvious. At times, it takes a bit of working out. There is, though, always something. Further to this, it makes me reflect on others and what’s going on for them. With my clients, when they recognise that they weren’t doing all that they could, it gives me permission to ask about what’s blocking their success.
So, the next time you or someone around you delivers second best, ask yourself what else is going on. Check to see if there is anything you can do differently. Find a way to challenge and check in with those around.
It is an opportunity to be kinder, though. Kinder with yourself and with others. If you can accept that you cannot deliver at your very best all of the time, it’s about understanding that it may well be temporary. Today is not your day. Crucially, if you can be kinder to yourself, you can be kinder to others. You only see what’ on the surface, which is what others see about you.
One final point. Recognising that someone, including yourself, is doing something other than their best is part of the process. Second best, or even less, may not be an issue. It could be, though, a massive issue which causes endless problems. Being unresourceful is no excuse for poor behaviour.
If you know what to do next, do it now. If you’re not sure, book an initial consultation here, and then take the next step. As always, it’s what you do next that matters. You know that it makes sense, and you know that you can do it, don’t you?
