You may know people who seemingly have a constant sixth sense. Remarkably, they just seem to intuit, drawing understanding from nowhere. Or that, at least, is how it appears. In reality, they are simply drawing on the information which their senses are receiving, and which they are processing unconsciously. It’s something which we all do, with greater or lesser success. And, additionally, it’s something I wrote about in a recent blog. Fortunately, it is something that you can learn to do better. So, does your sensory acuity empower you right now?
NLP looks at the importance of sensory acuity, which is the ability to consciously understand the unconscious responses of another person. It’s something, as I said earlier, that we all do, although some of us are more in tune than others. And it’s something that we routinely do unconsciously.
NLP shows you how to know what to look out for. In other words, it gives you the skills to consciously understand other people’s responses, rather than simply relying on your unconscious.
Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that communication is 7% words, 38% tonality, and 55% physiology. And if you’re not sure about this, just think of the times that someone close to you has uttered that fateful word, “fine”. And you just know that it is anything but!
Secondly, listen to the language that people use. Remembering that the map is not the territory, we are looking for congruency between the words, the tonality (how the person is using their voice to say the words), and the physiology (what the person is doing with their body).
Thirdly, we are also listening to see what predicates people use, as this will indicate whether they interpret events visually, auditorily, kinaesthetically and so on. We also want to listen out for key words, words which the person repeats or places value on. The words someone uses will also tell us about common experiences and associations. Further to this, the words someone uses will also tell us how they handle information; they may handle information in small chunks, needing detail, or larger chunks. Their words will also tell us something about how quickly or slowly they actually process information.
Fourthly, we need to listen to the tone others use. There are four aspects of a person’s voice that we can calibrate on; tone, tempo, timbre, and volume.
Tone is about the pitch and frequency of the voice. Tempo is the speed, from slow to fast. Timbre is the quality and characteristics of the voice. Volume goes from soft to loud. It is important to note the changes in tonality and when they happen. When someone speaks more slowly, we need to work out what they are doing with their words and their physiology. We can then establish patterns so that we start to get an idea of what is going on for the person when they speak slowly.
Finally, we need to notice people’s physiology. When calibrating on physiology there are a number of aspects we need to observe. Posture and gesture are fairly self-explanatory, and it is once more about observing what the posture and gestures are, linking them to the words and tonality.
In addition to posture and gesture, there are five modalities of calibration.
- Breathing – the rate from fast to slow, and the location from high to low
- Lower lip size – from there being lines to no lines
- Eyes – the focus from focussed to defocussed, and pupil dilation from dilated to constricted
- Skin colour – from light to dark
- Skin tonus (the tone of the muscles – look for the shine) from symmetrical to asymmetrical
Every piece of information tells us something. Critically, it’s about understanding the individual responses rather than making assumptions. In other words, what does the language, the tonality, and the physiology tell us, in combination?
So, start to focus on other people. Actually listen and observe. What do you notice? What are you learning now that you didn’t know before. And if you want to discuss this further, book a free initial consultation here, and then take the next step. You know that you can do it, and you know that it makes sense, don’t you?