The idea with boundaries is that in your life you make it clear how you want to use your time and your energy. The expectation is that you make the rules and others respect them, just as you respect the boundaries that others set. It’s a process that generally works well. There are, of course, those who always attempt to push those boundaries, asking or demanding more of you than you want to give. And you may find yourself being pulled in all directions, unable to set your boundaries and maintain them. Are you protecting your boundaries right now?
I’ve met people over the years who seemingly enjoy their blurred or non-existent boundaries. Obviously, it puts them at effect, not in control, and at the will of others. Consequently, they bend to the demands of others, postponing and cancelling their own choices and desires. It provides them with a useful get-out clause; they’d have time to change their world if only others would let them be. It’s a neat, blame-shifting exercise. And if it works for you, keep on doing what you’re doing.
However, if your blurred boundaries are increasingly distressing you, perhaps it’s time for change. Where do you want to draw that line? What does it mean for you? How can you handle the consequences? Importantly, how robust do you want to be?
I think that few of us can go all out, set the boundaries, and enforce them, no matter what the consequences. That said, I’ve met people who’ve done just that, prioritising their own mental wellbeing above all else. Alternatively, you may want to take a more measured approach. Test the boundaries with those who you feel may be willing to work with you. See how that goes. Then push it further. Note what happens.
And, as you progressively make changes, be aware of those who are fighting you. How do you feel about that? When are you willing to take stand? How much control is enough? Crucially, what is about you enforcing boundaries that causes others to push back? Maybe they don’t like you taking back control. Possibly, they actually enjoyed controlling you. Think about that for a moment.
Critically, you may want to think about your reasons for protecting your boundaries. Firstly, what do you want to gain? Obviously, by protecting your boundaries, you’re putting yourself at cause. You are in charge. And that’s good. What else, though, do you want?
Secondly, what are you willing to risk? You may realise that there are people in your life who like the power and control. Take that from them by protecting your boundaries, and they may not like that. How does that feel?
Finally, when and how are you willing to compromise? Ideally, we’d all be able to set boundaries, protecting our boundaries at all times. The reality is that most of have to flex at times. What does that mean for you? Essentially, where are your red lines?
Ultimately, only you will know what’s acceptable and what’s not. Crucially, the choice is yours, and you can learn when to stand firm, and when to bend a little. The control is yours.
If you’re ready to take the first step, do it now. If you’re not sure, you can always book a free consultation here, and then decide what to do next. You know that you can do it and you know it makes sense, don’t you?
